Grey

The darkness & emptiness engulfed me.
Pain, Sorrow

I feeling sad, feeling blue, feeling down & feeling emo.
Suddenly, all these feelings overwhelmed me.
I was thinking to myself all these emotions are just...
A phase happening at this moment, nothing much.
But is this just a sudden out blast of emotional?
Wondering, thinking & reflecting... No. The answer is No.
Empty, is emptiness, the emptiness within me.
This strong emotion of emptiness that always inside me.
Was i hiding from it and not willing to face this?
This emptiness, loneliness, this dark side of me.
These are all part of me, who i am, i accept and embrace it.
Is just that i'm good at being the happy, go-lucky & cheerful me.
I prefer the brighter me, is more... more... more... ... ...
I dunno, i dunno what to say, how to sort this out.
Maybe, perhaps, is too complex and deep to say in words.
Words are merely words, can't be exactly translate to thoughts.
Translate to my thoughts and feelings that i deep down feel.
In simple terms, i not good at showing the dark side of me.
The sadness, the tears, the loneliness, the helpless & the emptiness.
This side of me is hideaway from all & i keep to myself.
The darkness that embrace me, that i not willing to release out.
All these emotions that i lockout within me, feelings i hold on to.

I feel like running away.
I dunno where to run; where to go.
I have no goals, no plans, no dreams & no life.
Simply, i have no place to run to shelter me from all these.
There is no hideout for me, i only have myself to depends on, only me.

Yesterday night, i had a supper BIG meal(s).

if everything happens for a reason, i wants the reason be you.

There is a poem that supports Nelson Mandela during his prison years.
In the poem, i find these 2 sentences very meaningful & connects to me.

I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul.

Yesterday, was a loooooooong day for me.
Fun and enjoyable day with people i love.
Morning, i helped my sis to dye her hair.
Tried a new Japanese brand hair dye.
Very interesting, not like others hair dye.
Does not stink & the solution is foam type.
Not the usual, sticky & smelly hair dye.
Become hair washing session for my sis.
Cause of the foaming solution. LoL!

Mom brought back my Chinese medicines.
Thanks alot mommy, I Love You!
Managed to bring the medicines back in time.
For me to eat, before i went out. Xie Xie Ni!

After that i meet my bestie, Candice.
Whole day of fun and celebration.
Celebration for her getting driving license.
Went to Cineleisure for a move: Invictus.
The show is damn nice & interesting.
Good plot based on real story of South African.

Candice brought me a flats at nums. Thanks!!!
We went shopping at Wisma, shoes sales.
I brought 2 pairs of shoes for $33 only!
Dirt cheap, 70% discount. WooHoo!
Designs, colours are nice & comfortable.

Went to class, the lecture gone case.
During the break, skip class went for makan.
Dinner with my bestie, Candice & Liyun.
The foods were yummy & marvelous.
Great food and great company.

Msn with my bestie Cheryl, making plans.
Plans for shopping and movies.
I wanna watch The Blind Side.
I'll do window shopping, save money.
Can't wait to meet her out. It'll be fun.